Need Prayer?

I was not raised in church. I did well in school and I believed in science. I thought, surely religion will be done away with soon, as science has disproven so much superstition. I was raised with wealth and yet I always felt hungry, never satisfied. I tried all the world had to offer, and then some. I was perpetually frustrated. This ever elusive satisfaction escaped me. Kids these days play with pop-its and proclaim, "so satisfying!". I fail to believe them. My life told a different story. As a 19 year old, I stumbled upon a book that opened my eyes to spiritual things. It was called "The Power of Now" and talked about consciousness, and ways to free ourselves from fixation with the temporal realm -- all the things that last for a little while and then are gone (which happens to include everything we see). How depressing life was! That book gave me a deep hope, that there is something of an eternal nature, beyond what eyes can see, for example consciousness. I went on a journey from that point on, searching for something that lasts. I built a philosophical foundation that allowed me to believe in a Higher Power. I was still often confused as I grasped for understanding. I majored in Philosophy with a minor in Psychology from Texas A&M. I was really searching. 

One day, a girl in one of my Psychology classes asked me what I was reading. It was a book on metaphysics called "Oneness". She invited me to her Lifegroup. I went, and I liked it! I loved to see people searching for "God" as I felt like I was too. But what really shocked me, was the way the people loved each other there. They were affectionate with one another, kind, and close. Afterwards, I told my friend, whom I had partied with in the past, "come and see these people! They act like they are on drugs!". I sincerely meant that. I had seen people on MDMA in the past, and that is what I was reminded of. I continued to attend these meetings. I remember a girl telling me, Jesus is the only way. I thought she was ignorant. But, I kept going anyways. I had another girl tell me to read the Bible, but when I tried, I felt like it was impossible to understand. 

That summer, we had a Lifegroup retreat, a hang-out by a lake. A gorgeous young lady shared her story with me as we sat by the campfire that evening. She told me that when she was in high school, she had become severely sick, and the doctor did not know what was wrong, but it devastated her life. She could no longer play sports, she couldn't even walk between classes without fear of her heart rate randomly escalating. Someone led her through a guided prayer of renouncing and faith and she was completely healed. I was truly amazed to hear that! The woman seemed sincere and humble. I thought to myself, Jesus must be some kind of spirit healer, and when she asked me to accept him, I did not totally understand what that meant, but thought it sounded like a good idea after that! 

Funny enough, the girl who had originally invited me to Lifegroup walked up at that moment and these two women took me to pray to Jesus for the first time in my life. I thought, great, I'll add Jesus to my stack of philosophies I've gathered over the years, and I did not know how exactly He was going to fit in. God is Love, He incarnated on earth in human form -- okay, well, I better learn about Him. So, I went home and began to read the gospels according to Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. I reached a crisis point. Jesus did all these miracles and then began saying stuff like, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and nobody comes to the Father except by me". What! How can anyone do miracles like Jesus did without having some extreme connection with God? Humans just can't do miracles. God is the creator who exists beyond the temporal realm and He can create things as the first cause, without necessitating a cause within the world. Not even doctors could fix blind eyes (although they are getting better these days). I wondered how Jesus could have done these things. I know only God could do it, and I already believe that God must be the highest ideals, including perfectly truthful. From a philosophical perspective, God would not do these miracles with a liar. And I concluded, Jesus must have been telling us the truth if He actually did what the Bible says He did. I believed. My trust in Jesus was growing.

I had so many questions still! I wondered the basics, such as how God allows evil, and I wondered many questions that came from the incompatibilities I found in "New Age" teaching. For example, if I was already a child of God, then why did I need Jesus to save me? Wasn't realizing my true identity enough? That's what "enlightenment" teachers said. I was offended that the Bible and the church claimed I was a sinner. I thought it was a horrible thing to suggest to someone. But was it not true? Had I not done many things of which I am now ashamed? Had I not lied, stolen, cheated, and hated people, to say the least? My evil deeds were evidence against me that I truly had at least committed these evil deeds. I was in a war zone called my mind! I wrestled as faith in Jesus had began to infiltrate. I asked my college-aged peers many of my questions, to which they metaphorically threw up their hands and admitted they just had no idea how to answer me. No problem, I thought, surely God knows the answers to all my questions. I pulled out a clean white paper and covered it with all my questions. Then like a child, I folded it up, and I asked my Dad to answer them for me, and simply believed that He would. 

That night, I believe the Lord visited me. I had a dream in which Jesus walked with me and showed me Hell. I cannot remember much detail there, but after the dream I came into a more lucid state of consciousness and experienced what I understood to be the presence of God near to me. I heard a voice speak, "It's Jesus" and immediately with those two words, it felt like my mind computed, so quickly, the answer to every one of my hearts questions. Colossians 1 says that all things were created through Him and for Him. It is all about Him. Now THAT was satisfying! I cannot convey in words how profound the revelation had satisfied every question of my heart perfectly, beyond words and yet contained full within two. After all, Jesus said "I am" and that was considered a very name of God by the Jews, and frankly, by many philosophers and New Agers also. The Great I Am. "It's Jesus" sounds a lot like declaring that He is the One Who IS. 

There were days in the following years where I would become confused, but now I had a foundation. I would let go of the things which I did not seem to understand, and hold onto the truth I now knew. Shortly thereafter, my friends invited me to be baptized in water, and then in the Holy Spirit. I was in the driveway at my friends house when two of them began to pray for my baptism in the Holy Spirit. I agreed in prayer, and momentarily I fell down to the ground, and then my head lifted and these harrowing screams erupted out of my mouth for what seemed like a prolonged time. I tell you the truth, it did not feel like it was me screaming. To this day, I believe it was demons that came screaming out of me. I literally felt like a newborn little baby, at once disturbed by the happenings, with feelings of deep comfort akin to being cradled by a loving parent. Was this the moment that I was born for a second time? When I sat up from that experience, I think the very first thought I had was, "oh no, transcendental mediation is not good". My friends accompanied me home and we got rid of hundreds of dollars worth of books, took New Age quotes off my wall, and I never practiced "Transcendental Meditation" again. 

 I got out of an unhealthy relationship, stopped drinking and smoking and spent my time with new friends, and enjoying church activities.

My life was changing for the better. I was taking care of my body and heart and learning how to love other people. I used to be selfish and callous, and I became more focused on serving others and being humble. Far from instantly perfected, I was making some initial big changes followed by a lot of slower, deeper work, and 12 years later, I still haven't completely arrived! However, I know my Daddy in a way I never imagined possible. I finally have a sense of satisfaction. I finally feel like I can rest and no longer am searching. I found the One I was looking for! My thirst has been quenched. 

Now, I desire to be with Him always. I have had many supernatural encounters with him over these last 12 years. I have seen him heal disease and broken bodies and broken minds. I have seen Him forgive and restore over and over again. I have seen Him in dreams, in prophecy, in miracles and in the mundane. I have seen Him crack jokes. He is the most wonderful person in the whole world to be with. And He is inviting you in today! He is inviting you to get to know Him and experience the Kingdom Come to your life today! He stands at the door and knocks, will you let Him in? 

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